Thursday, December 10, 2009

This is What I Know...and Quotable Friday

Hey Lovelies! This post is probably more honest and more real than I've ever been with you all. And, it may be more than you want to know to the point of being a bit boring so with that said...

Have you ever had somehing happen in your life that makes you step back and re-evaluate yourself. This particular instance is the loss of a friend. Not a death, but the dissolving of a friendship, a life long friendship.

I have never had many girlfriends. Growing up it was just easier for me to get along with the boys. No drama, no fuss and if they didn't like you or something you did they told you about it-fair and square. I always had one best friend from my hometown although, it wasn't always the same person. I COULD NOT WAIT to escape the pettiness of high school and move on to bigger and better things and hopefully friendships with girls. My freshman year of college was A-MAZING! I remember calling my mom after 11 of us had just made a trip to the city. Even though, there are times I long to be part of a larger circle of friends, I had much rather be one on one with one of my best girlfriends. I like to connect and really get to know how they're doing and sometimes I guess I feel like when I've been in a big group it can be more surface level friendship. I think that may be attributed to the fact that I am an only child.

My parents instilled a strong sense of self and confidence in me at growing up. Even during my super awkward coke bottle glasses, huge gapped front teeth and overly permed hair stage, I was a confident kid. And even though that confidence has waxed and waned at times in my life, people still tell me they think I'm a confident person. I've been called "fake", "too nice" and a group of kids in high school considered me "stuck up" because I wouldn't come to their beer parties. I didn't take my first drink of an alcoholic beverage until college and I am still very conscious of my hometown reputation. It was a town of 1,300 people so everyone knew anything and everything you did. On top of that, I was very close to a lot of the youth there and wanted to set a good example for them.

Since moving back near my hometown and to another Small Town, USA it has felt like high school all over again. There is a large group of girls here that do things together and are close to my age. I have what I would consider two friends here that aren't family. And I pray for God to bring new people into my life daily.

I keep in regular contact with two friends from high school, one I actually attended high school with and the other I met at a trackmeet and we became instant friends. I also keep in touch with two friends from college. These girls keep me grounded. It's just so hard because we're so far away from one another.

So, sometimes I think it's just me. Why is it so hard for me to have friends when that's the thing I long for the most? Growing up even though I struggled with friendships, God had always placed amazing people in my life. We've been here three years and I feel like it's still hard for us to make friends.

And then, there's my mother. The most A-MAZING God-fearing woman I've ever met in my entire life. We live an hour apart, but talk multiple times a day on the phone and spend A LOT of weekends together. She's taught me about life, loving others, forgiveness, kindness and she's my favorite shopping partner to boot! I thank God daily for our relationship and realize that although, most daughters share a special relationship with their mother, I couldn't ask for a more amazing mom. I thank God for the gift that she is to my life daily. And maybe our friendship is all I need...

Well, that's enough of that. Now, that you're all thoroughly confused...I guess this all stemmed from the fact that in the dissolving of the above mentioned friendship she said that keeping up with me and reading my blog "made her feel bad about herself". I guess this was my attempt to be more honest about what I'm feeling at this stage of my life and a combination of what I've thought about over the last few days.

I must share this quote I came across on another girl's blog for Quotable Friday. Fellow blogger, forgive my lapse of memory and please remind me if you come across this post and you happen to be the one I'm stealing this from! I apologize!

"I don't wake up and run to give me that extra boost of energy. I don't spend hours at the gym to relieve stress. And I didn't start taking yoga classes to spend even more time with my friends. The truth? I want to look good naked. Doesn't everybody?" ~Nike

Doesn't that just make you smile? Hope you all have a happy and safe weekend!

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15 comments:

Nezzy said...

Truth be told keeping up with your blog does not contribute to your friend feeling badly about herself, she would not feel good about herself anyway. Your blog is just a scapegoat for her. I firmly believe when one door is closed another is opened, therefore I believe God has a special new friend for your future. A friend who will lift you up and not pull you down. He does promise the desires of our hearts.

May God give your peace and the loving blessings of true friend!

Confessions Of A Domestic Goddess said...

I've had a lot of similar experiences with girls. Girls have ALWAYS been my tough spot. I have a handful of good friends, and other than that nothing. The number of failed friendships I've had outweigh the good ones, but I always just have to step back and realize that these failed relationships weren't meant to be forever friendships. God puts certain people in our lives at certain times and sometimes others just aren't meant to be permanent.

I absolutely love that quote!

Have a good weekend!

xoxo!

Terrells said...

Truth be told (according to me) I think that was your best post ever. And I got to hear your heart like I haven't heard in so long. I know that I'm partially to blame for it I didn't take to the time to really set down with you and talk about the things that are going on with you. And after so much time lapses between it just sometimes seems like more work than I could put out at the time. I love you Shea and you will always have a special place in my heart. I'll send you an email ;)

unathleticrunner said...

I love that quote! that might just be Facebook worthy ;)

emily said...

YES!!! You used the quote from my blog!!!

I totally hear you about the girl friend thing. I'm the same way. I have about 2 REALLY close friends and then a handful of qausi distant friends that I'll go months without talking to.

Here is a quote that I heard awhile back that has stuck to me...

"You can please some of them all of the time, or all of them some of the time, but you can't please them ALL, ALL of the time."

This quote relates to friendships too. I personally would rather please some of them ALL of the time than the latter.

Anyway, good post! Keep it up! :)

blueviolet said...

That makes me sad! I hope you know that even though we're just virtual, we are your friends and we really do care about you out here in blogland.

I do believe that you will find a person that really clicks with you when you least expect it.

By the way, my daughter is very much like you in that she has always preferred the company of boys. She said they didn't play games and there was no drama. Gotta love that. However, when you're an adult and married, that doesn't work anymore. :(

Kristen said...

oh you are definitely not alone! I would much rather have some amazing close friends instead of a large group of fake friends. It has taken a long time for me to accept that and it is still a process but I just feel like so often people in their 20's are about partying and basically "fake" friendships, very surface level and it doesn't sit well with me :) Just continue to be the person God is leading you to be. You don't have to answer to anyone buy Him :)

Kristin said...

All of my really close girlfriends live in other parts of the country. I feel you. It gets lonely. I hope you meet some girls that are just as fabulous as you very soon!

Taylor @ Jimmy Choos and a Baby Too said...

Aww Im sure you will meet some new amazing friends soon! I love your blog---I almost made mine, high heels & cowboy boots when I was brain storming!

Shanna said...

Girl... I read this post and I could have written the exact same one myself. I don't do big groups... I like a small more intimate group with my friends (really with anyone). I feel like I know those special girls better and we are closer that way. It sounds like we have similar situations in the places we live right now, and sometimes it is not easy. I do not have a ton of girlfriends either... I have a special few, but they are quality (and sadly enough, spread out over the state, away from me). My friend mantra is "quality vs. quantity" and it has served me well. The quality definitely outweighs any quantity.

I am glad you have a blog... I enjoy getting to "know" you in blogland!!! :)

a H.I.T. said...

Sometimes I'm better friends with Husby's friends than my own. I have a really hard time connecting with women too, so I really only have a couple of very close friends, and that is perfectly OK with me. I am very comfortable in my skin and with my life and that works just fine with me :)

Taylor-made Wife said...

I ran accross your blog from Lucky in Love. The name really caught my eye. I love the Nike quote- I definitely work out and eat well to look good naked.

Tiffany said...

I'm so sorry about all of that. I had a friendship dissolve with my best friend several years ago and it's never easy. I too have a VERY close relationship with my mom an other amazing friends God has blessed me with but it still didn't ease the hurt of losing my closest friend. I have thought about calling her many times, but it just doesn't seem right for one reason or another.

It is true that some friends are there for a reason and a season.

Hope you have a great week!

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

there is nothing better than good girlfriends! So much more genuine that boys....at least I think....

I'm following you now!

Life at the White House said...

Oh my goodness - that quote is AWESOME!!

I stumbled upon your blog from Kelsey (Seattle Smiths') and it is adorable! So glad I found it! :)