This is What I Know...and Quotable Friday

Hey Lovelies! This post is probably more honest and more real than I've ever been with you all. And, it may be more than you want to know to the point of being a bit boring so with that said...

Have you ever had somehing happen in your life that makes you step back and re-evaluate yourself. This particular instance is the loss of a friend. Not a death, but the dissolving of a friendship, a life long friendship.

I have never had many girlfriends. Growing up it was just easier for me to get along with the boys. No drama, no fuss and if they didn't like you or something you did they told you about it-fair and square. I always had one best friend from my hometown although, it wasn't always the same person. I COULD NOT WAIT to escape the pettiness of high school and move on to bigger and better things and hopefully friendships with girls. My freshman year of college was A-MAZING! I remember calling my mom after 11 of us had just made a trip to the city. Even though, there are times I long to be part of a larger circle of friends, I had much rather be one on one with one of my best girlfriends. I like to connect and really get to know how they're doing and sometimes I guess I feel like when I've been in a big group it can be more surface level friendship. I think that may be attributed to the fact that I am an only child.

My parents instilled a strong sense of self and confidence in me at growing up. Even during my super awkward coke bottle glasses, huge gapped front teeth and overly permed hair stage, I was a confident kid. And even though that confidence has waxed and waned at times in my life, people still tell me they think I'm a confident person. I've been called "fake", "too nice" and a group of kids in high school considered me "stuck up" because I wouldn't come to their beer parties. I didn't take my first drink of an alcoholic beverage until college and I am still very conscious of my hometown reputation. It was a town of 1,300 people so everyone knew anything and everything you did. On top of that, I was very close to a lot of the youth there and wanted to set a good example for them.

Since moving back near my hometown and to another Small Town, USA it has felt like high school all over again. There is a large group of girls here that do things together and are close to my age. I have what I would consider two friends here that aren't family. And I pray for God to bring new people into my life daily.

I keep in regular contact with two friends from high school, one I actually attended high school with and the other I met at a trackmeet and we became instant friends. I also keep in touch with two friends from college. These girls keep me grounded. It's just so hard because we're so far away from one another.

So, sometimes I think it's just me. Why is it so hard for me to have friends when that's the thing I long for the most? Growing up even though I struggled with friendships, God had always placed amazing people in my life. We've been here three years and I feel like it's still hard for us to make friends.

And then, there's my mother. The most A-MAZING God-fearing woman I've ever met in my entire life. We live an hour apart, but talk multiple times a day on the phone and spend A LOT of weekends together. She's taught me about life, loving others, forgiveness, kindness and she's my favorite shopping partner to boot! I thank God daily for our relationship and realize that although, most daughters share a special relationship with their mother, I couldn't ask for a more amazing mom. I thank God for the gift that she is to my life daily. And maybe our friendship is all I need...

Well, that's enough of that. Now, that you're all thoroughly confused...I guess this all stemmed from the fact that in the dissolving of the above mentioned friendship she said that keeping up with me and reading my blog "made her feel bad about herself". I guess this was my attempt to be more honest about what I'm feeling at this stage of my life and a combination of what I've thought about over the last few days.

I must share this quote I came across on another girl's blog for Quotable Friday. Fellow blogger, forgive my lapse of memory and please remind me if you come across this post and you happen to be the one I'm stealing this from! I apologize!

"I don't wake up and run to give me that extra boost of energy. I don't spend hours at the gym to relieve stress. And I didn't start taking yoga classes to spend even more time with my friends. The truth? I want to look good naked. Doesn't everybody?" ~Nike

Doesn't that just make you smile? Hope you all have a happy and safe weekend!